nightsky blogging at elowel.org
My new song 06-09-06 23:21
I opened my heart for your sake. I saw the drift between you and me. And I sought to repair what was broke. I let you in to my heart, my most innermost thoughts. For what?

[refrain]
I guess it's true what they say everything you say will be used against you. It's all a cycle we run; it goes round and around. The only thing that grows is the pain that I feel.

I thought I felt the bond grow, the drift faiding away. It felt good to let you in, but I guess you didn't. You took my words, my feelings, my soul and you used them against me. Oh why? Tell me why.

[refrain]

So I guess this is the end, I can't say anything to you. I'll be good. I'll be bad, but hell you'll never know. You'll never see my heart again; too many times have you hurt me so. So what now?

[refrain]

Before I go I must say, this is not what I wanted it to be. I wanted a bond that travels through time; a friend, a mother in all, but I guess it was just a silly thought. Woe is me.

[refrain]
loud 03-06-06 20:11
Ok so yes I can be a little loud when talking to my friends because well thats just who i am. But can that be used against me, where the people at my school just tend to shirk away from me. Thats what it feels like, because i like to express myself sometimes loudly sometimes just really expressively...and then i just look up to faces of disaproval...as though they are all shaking their heads at me. Its not like its in the middle of class, its during break and such...so whats the deal? do they hate me? Maybe I should just shut up...thats what everyone wants...for others to shut up when you want them too but maybe thats just not their agenda. When you want others to shut up its funny because when people tell you to shut up you scowl
nosebleeds 02-20-06 20:12
Alright what is going on?!?!?So last night I had a nosebleed....came out of nowhere...I was just putting on my night cream and then bam! just like that I'm bleeding. First one nostril and then the other. Then this morning had another one and near the end of dinner tonight had another one. So dude, whats going on? Whats with all the blood?!?!?!? its driving me crazy
its funny... 02-19-06 22:59
you know its funny how the ones that hurt you the most were once the ones who had your back. I was just thinking about how there was this guy who was my friend in a class full of strangers that were scared of me because depression was something that they could not handle. But then he ended up being the guy who tore me down to shreds with words that pierced my heart with such force. Then there was the guy who was the first to tell me he loved me, man I was naive...he gave me his full attention for about a week and then when school started he could not wait to get away from me. I was too weird..not good enough for him to be seen in public with him. And now this guy, a guy who told me that he wanted a friendship because I would always have a place in his heart...but then he avoids my every means of contact. Isnt that funny...
Dont you? 02-15-06 23:57
Well first of all, I just want to say that I miss my good old buddy bluefeenx.

But most of all, I want to ask dont you hate it when people just hang you up to dry? I have sent several emails to my friend and tried calling but I have yet to receive a reply...what is that about? I thought we were closer than that...and yes there is life to be had out there, but there was time last week why not this week..just for one email for something that tell me that my email was received and enjoyed. Just something...
one moment 02-03-06 00:02
Life is full of challenges from the small to the heart wrenching ones. It is funny seeing my reflection and seeing someone I barely know stare back. I have changed so many times, from each challenge my character changed just so slightly. Sometimes we don't notice the small challenges because they are so small, but they can add up....they can add up to be even worse than the big ones you face. Right now I fight and I will not let this thing take me down. It has all been leading up to this one moment...
Its funny 01-26-06 00:18
You know what? Life can be really sucky sometimes, but if you keep your eyes and heart focused on something/someone then no matter how bad it gets. You know that its not all bad. To take this from one of my favorite movies..."love is like putting your arms out and spin and spin and spin. And if you dont keep focused on something then you'll get dizzy and fall" (or somthing like that) For all the things that are whirling around me, mushing together into one giant mess...I am focused on those that care for me and know that the life is worth living if you look for the good things in them. From the nice guy in class that just talks to you no matter how weird you are to the man who has pronounced his love to you, they are the ones that keep me from falling...I cant fall with them there
Tree skirt 01-15-06 10:09
Hehehee....ok so what i did the day after xmas was of course go to the sales and see what i could get. And i found this really pretty fabric, but you know what it was a tree skirt. And i thought well if it is already fitted to go around something like a trunk...why shouldnt it go around waist? So i bought it and for our new year's party i wore it with black pants underneath it...and it was so cute. But some people just thought me crazy for wearing something that was not meant for a human but for a tree...what do you think?

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=11037360&friendName=Night&MyToken=b76af057-0da0-47de-a14c-cece10ba45b0
reading... 01-13-06 22:04
This might just be me, but i would like to see if there is anybody else that does it. Whenever i read and i reach a heartbreaking part like a break up between the two main characters, i actually get this tingly feeling down my arm that then rests in my hand. Sort of like I am feeling some of the pain that the character is going through. And sometimes if it is a really heart wrenching part, the same feeling travels through my whole body which makes me have to stop reading so that it can settle and then i can keep reading...weird right? So anyone else? *crickets chirping* oh...
reading... 01-13-06 22:03
This might just be me, but i would like to see if there is anybody else that does it. Whenever i read and i reach a heartbreaking part like a break up between the two main characters, i actually get this tingly feeling down my arm that then rests in my hand. Sort of like I am feeling some of the pain that the character is going through. And sometimes if it is a really heart wrenching part, the same feeling travels through my whole body which makes me have to stop reading so that it can settle and then i can keep reading...weird right? So anyone else? *crickets chirping* oh...
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